January 1, 2011

2010: I Survived!

Happy New Years everybody!  New Years has always been a special time for me.  It symbolizes the chance to wipe the slate clean and start anew.  2010 is a year I have been looking forward to finishing for a while now.  In retrospect, I think it has been one of the worst years of my life as well as my family’s for several reasons that I don’t want to get into.  One big reason that you all know about is my illness and the turn it took for the worst this past year.  I can honestly say I feel like I’ve been to hell and am just now starting to find my way back.  However, through it all I have come to realize the great strength present in myself, and my family and friends.  In the coming year I hope for better health and more good days than bad.  

In the spirit of New Years I have traditionally made New Year’s resolutions, however, they often get forgotten as time goes by.  This year I decided to do something different in an effort to be more concrete.  After facing a year of so much uncertainty, I want guarantees.  Therefore, I decided that rather than make a list of things I aim to do, I am going to make a list of things I will never do – for reasons like my illness, my personality, and my lifestyle.  In making this list I aim to accept the things that I cannot change and make room for the things that I will do this coming year.  Here it goes…

Marah’s Never List:

    -       I will never be a world traveler.
    -       I will never like sports.
    -       I will never climb a treacherous mountain (Maybe a hill at some point?).
    -       I will never eat copious amounts of sugar.
    -       I will never ride in a hot air balloon.
    -       I will never eat meat.
    -       I will never lose myself in a relationship. (Make that never again…)
    -       I will never turn my back on my family and friends.
    -       I will never stop trying new things (I know that’s a double-negative you English enthusiasts, but this is a “never” list).
    -       I will never get shit-faced drunk.
    -       I will never like winter (as much as I really wish I did).
    -       I will never go fishing (no offense Dad).
    -       I will never be good with directions.
    -       I will never have an interest in knowing how machines work.  I’m just glad they do.
    -       I will never have good hand-eye coordination.
    -       I will never take the small things for granted.
    -       I will never impose my beliefs on someone else.
    -       I will never give up on myself.
    Looking back at this list, I feel a bit of weight lifted off of my shoulders.  These things that I will never do are now cast out into the universe for someone else to try.  I am who I am and I’ve been dealt the cards I’ve been dealt.  And so be it. 

    Some questions to consider:

    What would you write on your never list?

    Can you think of anything else I should add to my list?


    1. Your post made me smile. It sounds like you are learning to cope with CFIDS by being more accepting of its role in your life. I commend you for that and I know that it has been hard won. At least eating Smart Food doesn't have to be on the never list! Happy New Year to you!

    2. Hello Marah,

      My heart goes out to you.

      Tip: Taking short naps, hot baths, and changing your sitting or standing position throughout the day helps.

      Meanwhile, I pray your pain and fatigue decreases on a daily basis.