I am a Product of Modern Medicine

Last night on CBS news with Katie Couric, news of a study on Neurologic Post Treatment Lyme disease (nPTLS) and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome was broadcast (to find out more, check out http://www.prohealth.com/library/showarticle.cfm?libid=15959 and the news broadcast at time point 17:14 at http://www.cbs.com/cbs_evening_news).  The study was conduced at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey and claims that, unique proteins discovered in spinal fluid can distinguish between CFS and Lyme’s disease as well as from people in normal health.  If chronic fatigue syndrome can be detected through specific biomarkers, it is much harder to deny its existence.  In addition, such a study will give great insight into new treatments as well as allow for differentiation between CFS and Lyme’s disease (which present with very similar symptoms).  Before I go on, let me just say that I am in no way a medical professional and that I can only offer my opinion on the matter.  With that being said, if this study proves to be valid, it is a pretty big deal.

Having lived with chronic fatigue syndrome, I try my best to keep up with current research.  Whenever new information is released, I am reminded of the large role that modern medicine plays in my life.  For as many times as I’ve felt let down by the medical system, I can honestly say I wouldn’t be here without it, or at least I would not be the same person.  My thyroid would not have the capacity to control my body’s metabolism.  My POTS would leave me unable to walk or stand and my irregular blood pressure would take a toll on my heart.  I would be severely anemic.  My stomach would probably be a mess. And if that wouldn’t be enough to kill me, I would probably be depressed enough to commit suicide because my neurotransmitters are so screwy.  I don’t mean to sounds dramatic, but by having tests available to find my deficiencies and taking pills 4 times a day to counteract them, I am making my life livable.  And that’s a hard pill to swallow (pun intended).

I often hear from family and friends, “everyone has something” or “we’re all on pills.”  While these comments sometimes feel like they minimize my struggle, they do hold some truth.  In the past, there was no such thing as high cholesterol, Liptor, and Aspirin regiments; people just dropped dead of heart attacks.  Today, basic needs such as dentistry and orthodontia allow people to eat food with the nutrients necessary for survival.  If I hadn’t worn braces for 4 years and had several teeth removed, I’m not sure where I would be (probably in dentures or with a lot of extra teeth like a whale).  And then of course we can’t take for granted the fact that most of us in America have proper nutrition and hygiene to allow for basic functioning and prevention of disease itself.  We are so lucky that if our sex lives aren’t satisfactory, we can take Viagra to make that connection good again.

I guess what I’m really trying to say here is that modern medicine has pervaded our lives in immeasurable ways.  The bottom line is it makes chronic illness possible and it is the reason I am able to sit here and write to you all.  We are living longer than ever and are increasingly more functional then ever, despite odds that say we shouldn’t be.  And it’s only going further.  So for as much as I harp on doctors who have denied my illness, made me feel like a lab rat, or given me harmful treatments, it seems to be part of the package.  In a way, I feel proud to be chronically ill because I represent the possibility of managing symptoms and living a full life.  At this point in my journey, I don’t expect for a miracle cure to come along and save me; I consider it a miracle to be doing what I am doing right now. 

Normal Sick vs. Chronic Illness

Wow, it’s been a long time since I last wrote a blog entry.  I’ve missed you guys!  The good news is that it’s taken this long because I’ve finally started living my life again and have been more busy! First I’ll start with an update: I’ve been doing physical therapy for over a month now and it is incredible.  I am amazed at how much it is helping me get my strength back.  The progress I’ve made in such a short period of time is really impressive if I do say so myself.  My muscles are waking up and doing their jobs again.  My pain level is going down, slowly but surely, and I am able to walk around more.  

I actually feel like a member of society rather than an observer.  I am working on my independent study for school and love having the ability to focus and think analytically again.  All that being said, I still have a long way to go but it all seems much more doable now.  I think the biggest change in the past month has been in my attitude.  I feel motivated and empowered rather than helpless and scared.  Things feel in my reach and my passion for living has returned.  I guess you could say I’ve gotten my groove back!  

So that’s the general life update…  As for the most recent events, I’m actually not too happy right now because I’ve been sick with a stomach virus for about 3 days now.  Yuck, gross, disgusting.  Apparently, it’s going around and my minimal contact with the world is enough to catch it (not surprising).  Whenever I get sick (as in what’s going around sick, not chronic illness sick), I can’t help but wonder if my experience is different than someone who doesn’t have a chronic illness.  

Viruses seem to affect me more than the average person, both physically and emotionally.  Physically, they seem to knock the stuffing out of me more and they tend to last longer due to my compromised immune system.  I sleep a lot more (ridiculous amounts) and my POTS acts up.  Emotionally, I always fear that I’m going to go into a flare up and it brings back bad memories of being sick so much in the past.  I tend to go into panic mode, thinking here we go again, just as I thought I was getting stronger something else comes along.  I think it’s almost like a post-traumatic stress kind of a reaction.  I wish I could brush it off and relax like most people do when they get sick, but I seem to go into high alert mode and get really negative.  

Given that I am aware or my tendency to freak out in the face of viruses I have been working hard this time to remind myself that this virus is different than being chronically ill.  It really is just a stomach bug and its not going to spiral out of control.  I need to separate the emotional from the physical and try to get sick like a normal person.  Normal people don’t get super anxious and feel like they are falling off the deep end; they call in sick and take the day to chill and recuperate.  Granted it takes me longer to recover but I’m used to that by now.  The important thing is that I know I will get better eventually.  So that’s what I’m trying to be mindful of this time around and so far it’s going pretty well.  I did have one break down but I think that was mostly out of boredom and the frustration of only being able to eat rice for 3 days.  And I think that’s kind of normal, right?

Some questions to consider:

How do you deal with the posttraumatic stress that comes between bouts with chronic illness?

What other fears do you face with your chronic illness?