October 24, 2010

Rock Bottom

Last night my worst fear was realized when I was taken to the emergency room in an ambulance after a particularly scary looking fainting episode.  The emergency room doctor admitted that given the time of night and the lack of specialists around, the most he could do was run a number of tests to ease my fear of what just happened.  He tested my blood and urine, gave me a cat scan, and performed a lumbar puncture to evaluate my spinal fluid.  Not surprisingly, everything came back negative.  
That is when I had a major epiphany: I am not dying.  Ok, this sounds really obvious due to everything we know about chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia, but let me explain. 

I finally came to the realization that chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia are not going to be what kills me but I had been living my life as if they were.  I was resisting going out because I was scared of getting dizzy and fainting.  And now, here I was sitting in a hospital bed, the place I had been doing my best to avoid.  Confronting that fear, I came to realize that this is the worst it can get: a bunch of negative test results.  I am not going to let this fear get in my way anymore.  I am going to go out with my wheelchair and live my life. 

Some questions to consider: 

How do you confront the fears associated with having a chronic illness?

**As a side note, I had a meeting with a new doctor last week that has some good ideas on how to control my postural tachycardia and fainting.  I’m hopeful that there are options out there to make my symptoms more manageable.


Post a Comment